Live, Learn, Love

Fromm believes that the art of loving is not just directed to your significant other. It is more of a whole of how you treat everyone in our surroundings. You would have to be objective. In doing so, there is inner activity and outer activity. Inner activity is what you do yourself, such as the knowledge or reflection of oneself. Outer activity is what you do to others, such as communication, openness, receptiveness.

One way to learn about being objective is moving to another city and finding roommates to live with for school. This is what happened to me. I had moved out to San Francisco from a little town called Tracy, which is in the central valley. I was able to move into a townhouse with some friends that I knew back in high school. I knew these girls and hung out with them but it was always on campus or in a group setting, so I was not as close to them as I was to others. I did not know if I was going to be able to get along with them after learning more about them and their habits. Hanging out with friends is very different from living with them, seeing them all the time.

At the beginning of the year, we were all having the best of time. It was good because we were all getting along and it was fun because we were just getting to know each other. It is kind of like the start of a new relationship, you see all the good parts before the bad. It is even like a first date. You try to do the right thing or say the right thing and show nothing that is unflattering about oneself to the other. After some time in the house, we were all getting comfortable with each other and start acting more like them. In the household, there are some that are very messy and some are very clean.

I am pretty kept together and have things organized in my room. Don’t get me wrong, I do have those days where I have things lying around for a couple days in my personal area, such as my side of the room. I don’t like leaving a mess in common areas, such as the kitchen or living room. I remember seeing one of my roommates leaving her stuff out in the kitchen because she was making lunch. I thought she would clean after herself after she eats. Then, she left her leftovers on the table in the living room before she left the house. I wanted to see what she was going to do when she got back but she didn’t do anything. I asked her if she could clean after herself or at least put everything in the sink. She agreed and explained to me that she is not normally like this at home. It’s just the fact that she is now on her own, her parents are not there and she’s a little busier with school. I kept an open mind because there are other factors to what she was doing and it was good to get an understanding and know where she was coming from instead of jumping to conclusions of her being a slob. It still happens every now and then but we have gone through so much and gotten much closer, so I tolerate more. 

I am trying to be responsible and keep the house under some control. I know not everyone is going to be just like me. There are some compromises or adjustments that need to be made to keep a good relationship. I was able to be “productive” with this because you need to treat each situation the same. Try to understand all sides and then take action. Being objective is good for everything and makes you a better person. The lesson learned from this situation is that you should treat the others how you would like to be treated. If I were doing something that someone didn’t like, I would like to hear from them and try to adjust myself, while still being myself, not completely changing who I am. This relates to significant others because you put in the same thought if not more by listening to them and understanding where they are coming from. You still have to keep your standards. Once you are able to live by your own standards, you will have a better understanding of yourself, and do the same to others around you. It is only until then that you will be able to love someone else.